Far too often roles in marriage get mixed up. When God created the institution of marriage He was very specific about roles. The intent was for the wife to be a helpmate to her husband. God provided Adam with Eve so that he wouldn’t be alone. The two became “one flesh.” I believe there is much confusion today having to do with the roles of marriage because the Bible is no longer where people look to for guidance. The consequences are devastating because what is happening is an erosion of the family.
We have lived a pretty sheltered life in the middle of nowhere for the last six years. I will always treasure the time we had there, and how strong of a foundation we were able to build on God’s word. I have noticed how chaotic things are for couples in general in today’s culture. The following are a few of my observations.
Husbands are afraid to lead well. Leadership on the husband’s part takes courage. It also has to be done with grace, empathy and compassion for his wife and his family. I believe what ends up happening more often than not is the leadership is then deferred to the wife. It is left up to her to figure out how to lead and solve problems in most areas of family life. This often leads to unsatisfactory results, and resentment can begin to take root in the wife’s heart.
Poor boundaries contribute to the mix up of roles in marriage. Between church, sports, school functions, homework, meals, working out and whatever else is added to the family’s activities list….it is no wonder things tend to get all mixed up. Getting dinner made is a miracle in and of itself, family meal times are non existence, and the family is never together as a unit. Moms and dads are frazzled by the end of every day, plant themselves in front of a screen of some sort, and virtually no emotional connections between the husband and wife take place. They wake up to the same chaos each and every day.
There are no specific standards to live by. Day in and day out most couples are just managing to get through the day, standards of living become elusive, if even thought about at all. This makes parenting children all the more difficult. Stress from children’s behaviors add to the stress of the marital relationship. In the end, the culture is what ends up determining the family standards and all members of the family are frustrated.
There is no time for God’s Word. Couples exchange a multitude of other activities in the place of reading the Bible. It seems impossible that reading it regularly would make any difference. If they only knew the transformational influence it can be for good in marriage and family and life altogether, it would become the first priority.
Prayer is neglected. The saying is true. The couple who prays together, stays together. By not inviting God to be a part of a marriage on a regular basis, marriage becomes vulnerable on every level.
The heart of the wife and mother is not with her Lord, her husband or at home. The pressure for wives and moms today to work, to volunteer, to have the perfect body, to figure out how to get her kids to behave with spending very little time with them, to clean, to cook, to have fancy nails, to be a soccer mom, attend field trips, keep her hair dyed, manage the financial strains on her own, the list GOES ON….it’s too much. Her family suffers, and she’s aware with no solution to change it. Her mind is constantly spinning. She is desperate.
Many are struggling in their marriages and families. In no way am I an expert. I have just lived through some of the very things I have discussed in this post. There is a better way. In my next post, I will be discussing some ways to bring about the change needed to have biblical roles in marriage that will bring about beauty and blessings for years to come.
May God be glorified in all the not so average mamas/ladies today. 😀