This journey of losing a baby has sort of shaken me up inside. I do not know what changes will take place in my life. What I do know is-I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN. There is a worship song that I used to sing by Darlene Zschech and the chorus reads as follows:
I will never be the same again,
I can never return, I’ve closed the door.
I will walk apart, I’ll run the race
And I will never be the same again.
I relate to the words of this song in many ways. Life-it is a gift. Each one of us that are breathing have been given a gift to live. There is meaning and purpose behind our existence. The more I think about how fragile my little boy was…how tiny he was..and how God used his life, to bring such an indescribable joy to us, the more I have to realize I cannot remain as I am. I have to grow. I have to move into a deeper walk with God. I have to express and relate to others the hope that is within me. Others NEED to know. We all are certain to face death, and believing in Jesus is our only hope for eternal life.
I think of being a parent, a mom, the most precious job of humanity in my mind. God has given us six little hearts to nurture, and I am wondering today, “What do they see in me?” I think we can go through life not really understanding how the little things can mean so much. Seeing an ultrasound with our baby’s beating heart, and losing him before we got to know him, have made me wonder if I have previously taken some things for granted. I don’t want to do that in the future. I need to spend more time in prayer, in THANSGIVING, alone with my Lord for the blessings in my life. It is my prayer that my kids have hearts of thanksgiving, to understand how important it is.
Relate more. Share more. That is what I feel God is calling me to do. Reveal His story in my life. I have no purpose on this earth outside of Him. None of us do in fact. Without Jesus, there is no light, no life, no love, no forgiveness. I am in need of these so desperately. Especially now. I fail so often, and I need His grace. As one friend said to me, grace upon grace.
The obvious place to give of myself is within my own home, loving my husband and children. I want to teach younger women to do the same like the Bible talks about, and being a living example is paramount.
My heart grieves for my baby, but I know he’s in heaven in the arms of Jesus. My prayer is that God will work through me and touch the hearts of my children, and whomever else God brings into my life, so that they too, can one day be in the arms of Jesus when it is their moment to enter eternity.
May God be glorified in all the not so average mamas/ladies today.